


Back again

by turtles_to_the_max



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Dementors, Flashbacks, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-07 21:00:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18240128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turtles_to_the_max/pseuds/turtles_to_the_max
Summary: On that scene on the train in the third book, we were too concerned with Harry and the woman screaming to really care about anything else at the time.This is the untold story of what Remus Lupin went through when the Dementor entered the train compartment.





	Back again

**Author's Note:**

> okay this is going to be pretty angsty buckle up children

The thud of a compartment door woke Remus Lupin from his slumber. His eyes flew open to near-darkness, and he panicked for a second, convinced he had slept through the end of the journey, but no -

"Sorry! D'you know what's going on? Ouch! Sorry-"

"Hullo, Neville." The voice was vaguely familiar.

"Harry? Is that you? What's happening?"

"No idea! Sit down-"

There was a loud hissing noise and a yelp of pain; apparently there were other students in the compartment, too.

"I'm going to ask the driver what's going on." A female voice echoed from the other side of the train compartment. The door slid open again.

"Ouch! Who's that?"

"Who's that?"

"Ginny?"

"Hermione?"

"What are you doing?"

"I was looking for Ron-"

"Come in and sit down-"

"Not here!" came the voice of the second boy. "I'm here!"

"Ouch!" said the first boy.

Remus sat up. "Quiet!"

He could feel the attention of the room shift to him. He pulled his wand from his pocket and produced silver flames from the tip, illuminating the faces of the ones closest to him. "Stay where you are." He stood up to open the compartment door, but it slid open before he even touched it.

And there stood a creature Remus had only heard tales of, that had haunted his nightmares when he was small, that everyone flinched a little at when it was mentioned...

And then he was plunged into a cold more piercing than he had ever felt before. A despair seemed to settle over him, even more intense than the cold, and he felt his worst memories drifting in front of his eyes.

_The swish of a window blind being opened, and a rough thump on the floor, and two fangs sinking into his neck. Screams, probably his, echoing around the room. A man's shouts..._

_"Remus... REMUS!"_

_Harsh laughter. "Not feeling so superior to werewolves right now, are we, Lupin?"_

_"GREYBACK! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!" Loud bangs. A snarl of pain and a loud thud. Someone else bending over him._

_"No. No. No! Oh, Remus... it's all my fault..." The voice dissolving into sobs._

_And suddenly, the worst pain he had ever experienced. His screams turning into harsh canine snarls..._

Remus was abruptly jerked back from the memory and returned to conciousness. The dark carriage was filled with the sounds of whimpering, and the Dementor was leaning forwards as if relishing it.  
"None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks," Remus managed to mumble. "Go."

The cold was descending again. Sirius Black... he knew that name, he knew it from somewhere, but where? Sirius Black...

_The dusty street corner was full of Muggles going about their day. Only two figures stood out to Remus: a short, plump, rat-like man at the edge of the street, about ten feet away from a tall and dark-haired man._

_"Peter," the dark-haired man said, walking over to the rat-like figure. "Have you heard?" His voice trembled. "They say - on Halloween - that James is-"_

_"Have I heard?" the second squeaked. "Have I heard? Oh, I've heard all right... that on Halloween night, you were the one who sold James Potter to the Dark Lord!"_

_"What?" Sirius looked horror-struck. "Peter, how could you-"_

_"TRAITOR!" Peter screamed. "Lily and James, Sirius! How could you!"_

_"Peter-"_

_But it was too late. Peter had leapt on Sirius Black, who drew his wand, and the street corner blasted apart. Remus ducked as flying debris pelted him; he emerged a minute later to see Sirius standing amidst piles of rubble, wand dangling limply from his hand in shock._

_Remus stood up, heart pounding. This was the man who had betrayed James Potter and just blasted one of his best friends to bits in front of half a dozen Muggles. On impulse, he grabbed a rock and threw it as hard as he could at Sirius._

_Sirius looked up and started forwards with a roar. "Lupin!"_

_"Black," Remus snarled, pulling out his wand. "We've a score to settle."_

_"What do you mean,_ you _have a score to settle with_ me?" _Sirius yelled. "You betrayed my best friend to Voldemort!"_

_"I betrayed James?" Remus spat. "You backstabbing coward! You blast apart a street corner, kill Peter, sell my best friend to the Dark Lord and even now you blame me for everything?"_

_"I - what?" Sirius paused. "What do you mean, I betrayed James? I always thought it was you who-_ _"_

_"No one but the Secret Keeper could have told Voldemort where they were! Who else could it be except you?"_

_"Oh," Sirius whispered, the blood draining from his face. "Remus, you didn't know... the night before they died, I told Dumbledore to transfer it to Peter."_

_Remus simply stood in shock for a moment._

_Sirius slumped against the wall. "Remus... it's all my fault. If only I had trusted you more -"_

_"No one could have suspected Peter," Remus replied. "We can explain everything to the Ministry. They'll have to clear your name."_

_Sirius laughed ironically. "You've always been the trusting one, Remus. Do you seriously think they'll clear me on my garbled account and the word of a werewolf?"_

_"But they-"_

_"SIRIUS BLACK! YOU ARE SURROUNDED! DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ESCAPE!" The magically magnified voice boomed through the street._

_"In here!" Sirius shoved Remus into an alley. "They don't suspect you're here. Just hide and keep low and they won't find you."_

_"But - what about you?"_

_Sirius smiled bravely. "Well, I always wondered what a Dementor looked like from the back. Guess I'll have a chance to find out now..."_

_"No. No! They can't! You're innocent! Sirius..." Remus gripped Sirius by the shoulders roughly._

  _Sirius shook him off. "I deserve it. James' death is on my hands. I've already blown up a street corner full of Muggles." His face twisted. "Ironic, isn't it, that the only one I couldn't kill was Peter."_

_Footsteps echoed down the street. "Black! You are under arrest for aiding and abetting the Dark Lord in the deaths of James and Lily Potter and the mass murder of 13 Muggles! Come out!"_

_"No! Please!" Remus cried to Sirius. "If they arrest you... I'm coming with you! After all, I'm the reason you switched it to Peter, aren't I? James is dead, Peter is gone... I can't lose you, too!"_

_Sirius swallowed. "Moony..." His eyes were bright with tears._

_"Padfoot," Remus whispered._

_A Ministry official appeared in the entrance to the alley, wand pointing straight at Sirius. "I've found him!" he yelled. "Surrender, Black, or we'll have to take you by force!"_

_Sirius hugged Remus fiercely once, then shoved him with all his might into a pile of rubble._

_Sirius knelt down and placed his hands on Remus's shoulders, his back to the official. "I love you, Remus," he whispered. "And I won't let you waste away in Azkaban for my sake. I'll see you..." His voice trembled and broke. "Please, promise me you'll move on from this."_

_Remus slowly nodded, blinking away tears. "I-I'll try. I love you, Padfoot."_

_Trapped, he watched helplessly as Sirius walked calmly over to the squad who had gathered at the entrance. Remus fought to get out, to do something, say something, save his best friend somehow, but he could do nothing; a heavy stone was holding his leg in place, preventing him from moving._

_While_ _Remus struggled, a Ministry official magicked shackles into being, where they snapped around Sirius's wrists. Another stepped forward and read something from an official-looking piece of parchment; Sirius nodded. Right before the Ministry wizards marched Sirius off, Sirius glanced back at the pile where Remus was struggling and gave him a fleeting smile._

_As they disappeared around a corner, Sirius started laughing, and laughing, and laughing. It was the harsh cackle of a madman, and it pierced Remus's heart as if someone had stabbed him. Then they apparated out of sight to Azkaban, to hand Sirius to the Dementors..._

Dementors... something about Dementors... he had to protect someone... Sirius's laughter was ringing through his head...

His eyes flew open. He was standing shakily in the dark train compartment, a Dementor in front of him. Around him, the others were slumped in their seats in various degrees, slowly waking up.

"Expecto patronum!" Remus yelled. A wolf burst out of the end of his wand and charged the Dementor, and he glanced around guiltily to see if anyone had noticed.

The Dementor backed away, and slowly the lights flickered back on. Remus fished around in his pocket for the chocolate he always carried there, still reeling from the memory, and broke off a few pieces. Nearly all of the students were awake by now, all except for a girl with flaming red hair, who was still curled up and shaking in her seat, and - James Potter?

No. It must be his son, Harry. But the resemblance was uncanny - Harry had the same thin face, same round glasses, and - Remus had to smile - his hair stuck up in the back in the exact same way that James' did. It was as if he was going back in time, to his happy school days when James was still alive, and Peter was still their friend, and Sirius was still himself -

No. He couldn't think about that, had to move on, had to care for the students in front of him instead of dwelling on what was already lost. Two students were already kneeling next to Harry, shaking him and trying to revive him. Remus felt a stab of pity - was Harry, at this very moment, reliving the death of his parents?

"Are you OK?" the boy kneeling next to Harry was asking. Remus glanced around to see that Harry had regained consciousness and was being hauled back into his seat.

"Yeah," Harry replied, though he didn't look it. "What happened? Where's that - that thing? Who screamed?"

"No one screamed," said the red-headed boy. 

"But I heard screaming - "

Remus broke off the largest piece of chocolate. "Here," he said, handing it to Harry. "Eat this. It'll help."

Harry took the chocolate and stared at it for a moment. "What was that thing?"

"A Dementor," Remus replied, handing out the rest of the chocolate. "One of the Dementors of Azkaban." He crumpled up the chocolate wrapper and put it in his pocket. "Eat. It'll help. I need to speak to the driver, excuse me..."

Fortunately, the others seemed to believe his excuse.

Once he was sure he was out of earshot, Remus couldn't stand it anymore; he fell to his knees and cried like a baby, Sirius's haunted face and maniac laughter the only things left he could see.

 

**Author's Note:**

> whoo this turned out darker than expected oh well it was fun


End file.
